A Guest at the Ludlow, and Other Stories Read online

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  A GUEST AT THE LUDLOW

  AND OTHER STORIES

  BY

  EDGAR WILSON NYE

  [BILL NYE]

  _WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY LOUIS BRAUNHOLD_

 

  INDIANAPOLIS AND KANSAS CITY

  THE BOWEN-MERRILL COMPANY

  M DCCC XCVII

  Copyright, 1896

  BY

  THE BOWEN-MERRILL CO.

  A GUEST AT THE LUDLOW

  _You can pay five cents to the Elevated Railroad and gethere, or you can put some other man's nickel in your own slot and comehere with an attendant_ (Page 2)]

  * * * * *

  This volume was prepared for publication by the author a few monthsbefore his death, and is now published by arrangement with Mrs. EdgarWilson Nye.

  * * * * *

  CONTENTS

  PAGE.

  I. A GUEST AT THE LUDLOW 1

  II. OLD POLKA DOT'S DAUGHTER 13

  III. A GREAT CEREBRATOR 22

  IV. HINTS FOR THE HOUSEHOLD 33

  V. A JOURNEY WESTWARD 42

  VI. A PROPHET AND A PIUTE 52

  VII. THE SABBATH OF A GREAT AUTHOR 64

  VIII. A FLYER IN DIRT 69

  IX. A SINGULAR "HAMLET" 81

  X. MY MATRIMONIAL BUREAU 92

  XI. THE HATEFUL HEN 99

  XII. AS A CANDIDATE 108

  XIII. SUMMER BOARDERS AND OTHERS 123

  XIV. THREE OPEN LETTERS 134

  XV. THE DUBIOUS FUTURE 144

  XVI. EARNING A REWARD 156

  XVII. A PLEA FOR JUSTICE 162

  XVIII. GRAINS OF TRUTH 168

  XIX. A SCAMPER THROUGH THE PARK 179

  XX. HINTS TO THE TRAVELER 187

  XXI. A MEDIEVAL DISCOVERER 201

  XXII. HOW TO PICK OUT A BIRTHPLACE 208

  XXIII. ON BROADWAY 218

  XXIV. MY TRIP TO DIXIE 222

  XXV. THE THOUGHT CLOTHIER 228

  XXVI. A RUBBER ESOPHAGUS 233

  XXVII. ADVICE TO A SON 243

  XXVIII. THE AUTOMATIC BELL BOY 254

  LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

  PAGE

  You can pay five cents to the Elevated Railroad and get here, or you can put some other man's nickel in your own slot and come here with an attendant _Frontispiece_

  His old look of apprehensive cordiality did not leave him until he had seen me climb on a load of hay with my trunk and start for home 15

  Then they tied a string of sleighbells to his tail, and hit him a smart, stinging blow with a black snake 27

  My idea was to apply it to the wall mostly, but the chair tipped, and so I papered the piano and my wife on the way down 36

  Frogs build their nests there in the spring and rear their young, but people never go there 45

  I improved the time by cultivating the acquaintance of the beautiful and picturesque outcasts known as the Piute Indians 57

  He sometimes succeeds in getting himself disliked by some other dog and then I can observe the fight 67

  Then rolling my trousers up a yard or two, I struck off into the scrub pine, carrying with me a large board 74

  He looked up sadly at me with his one eye as who should say, "Have you got any more of that there red paint left?" 105

  "Mr. Nye, on behalf of this vast assemblage (tremulo), I thank God that you are POOR!!!" 115

  Three or four times as much oxygen is consumed in activity as in repose, hence the hornets' nests introduced by me last season 124

  Playing billiards, accompanied by the vicious habit of pounding on the floor with the butt of the cue ever and anon, produces at last optical illusions 149

  Mr. Whatley hadn't gone more than half a mile when he heard the wild and disappointed yells of the Salvation army 159

  "I was in a large, cool hosspital which smelt strong of some forrin substans. The hed doctor had been breathing on me and so I come too" 163

  Said the Governor as he swung around with his feet over in our part of the carriage and asked me for a light 181

  He therefore had to borrow a bald-headed man to act as bust for him in the evening 194

  It was at this time that he noticed the swinging of a lamp in a church, and observing that the oscillations were of equal duration 202

  Here Andrew turned the grindstone in the shed, while a large, heavy neighbor got on and rode for an hour or two 210

  "A man that crosses Broadway for a year can be mayor of Boston, but my idee is that he's a heap more likely to be mayor of the New Jerusalem" 220

  I bought tickets at Cincinnati of a pale, sallow liar, who is just beginning to work his way up to the forty-ninth degree in the Order of Ananias 222

  In hotels it will take the mental strain off the bell-boy, relieving him also of a portion of his burdensome salary at the same time 256